Posted by: picturefool | March 28, 2008

Is that a rug?

I work in Midtown Atlanta in a gorgeous building. My company purposefully leased a space too large for our current personnel in order to allow room for us to grow. In order to have the place not feel like a morgue and for us to have a little extra cash, we rent out the extra offices.

One office is leased to a real nice guy. By “real nice” I mean that he looks better in a pair of jeans than any man I have ever seen. And he is very stylish. And is worth millions. And drives a Mercedes convertible. “Jack” is 40-something and single. He has never been married. When the two other ladies in the office and I found out we all were astounded. What single woman with eyes in her head would not wrestle this man to the ground and make him sign the wedding license? Insane. Especially if she met him when he was wearing that blue shirt and those jeans… Anyway…

As “Jack” started setting up his office he brought in a nice Oriental rug. He decided he didn’t like it. So he brought in a different rug. And with each rug he did the rounds of the office asking our opinion on which one was better.

One Friday when I was working from home I got an e-mail from one of my friends at the office. “No lie – there are SIX rugs here now.” Sure enough, they were all still there on Monday, on top of each other, each one rolled back a little further than one below it so that the effect of each could be gathered from the pile.

When “Jack” arrived later (he works from about 10:30 to about 2:00 every day) he had the guys go down to this office and look at the damn rugs. At the end of the day he took one home with him.

A week later he took home a couple more. We all thought that he was finally narrowing down the choices.


More rugs arrived. Two. And he told the guys that one of them cost $8,000. A rug. For an office. And however nice our offices are they still have industrial carpet and are neutral non-offensive offices. Not $8,000 rug offices.

At this point the two other gals and I looked at each and said, “A-ha! THIS is why he’s not married! Two months to pick a rug for an office he is in for, at most, 20 hours a week. How in the hell can he pick a wife!”

Last week he took home all of the rugs including the blue and green one that I loved and the Aztec one that would look great in an adobe house in New Mexico but looked idiotic in an office. “Jack” announced that he had made a decision and the new, final rug was arriving yesterday!

It did.

It is the ugliest rug I have EVER seen. It has a pale yellow/cream background with a pattern that looks like a corn maze in a deep, dark, bold rust color. It kind of looks like a zebra print if the zebra had OCD and couldn’t stand for his stripes to curve at all.

We all hate it. Hate. It.

We have decided that “Jack” is not so sexy anymore now that we have seen the cloak of crazy.

We all talked about what is going to happen when he starts picking out lamps, window treatments, or, good God, art for the walls! Our lease will be up before he has his office decorated.

Fortunately, late in “Jack’s” work day he announced with dissatisfaction that the “tribal” rug is darker than he had expected.

Here we go again…



  1. Duh, Jack’s gay. 🙂

  2. If Jack is gay he spends a LOT of time sleeping with women!

  3. Well alrighty then…
    He’s REALLY trying to cover it up?

  4. Maybe so! This is what a colleague JUST sent me:

    You should see him when he comes in. he stops and just stares at the rug, like it’s going to talk back to him or something. Actually, that one does….it screams! someone has to tell him we hate it.

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